So Karen and Beefcake disappeared upstairs but, contrary to what we had
expected hoped thought, not long enough to mess around. They came back down and we said our good byes to Beefcake. MiddleShirt used his exit as a reason to go home and take a nap before coming out with us later that night.
As it turns out, MiddleShirt never resurfaced that night. In fact, the next time I heard from him or about him, he was in a casino on a Tuesday afternoon playing craps.
The four remaining people – Jack, McNugget, Karen, and myself – decided to watch basketball and fall asleep/take a nap before we ventured back out into the world for what we had previously decided would be a onesie night at the bar.
When we woke up – and the Warriors had beaten the Cavs – we realized that June in Las Vegas was way too hot for a onesie, and instead changed our wardrobe plans to jerseys. Basketball jerseys.
I went pantsless because the jersey was long enough to be a dress on me, and we walked the short mile (if that) to the neighborhood bar.
Everything started out all well and good…
…as most nights do…
I took full control of the Jukebox from the comfort of my phone application and began playing everything from Janet Jackson to Celine Dion and everything 90s in between.
There were nights when the wind was so cold…
Apparently someone didn’t approve of this, and began choosing songs to “Play Next” bumping me out of control which pissed me off which, naturally, led to shots upon shots.
At some point Karen began to fade and I couldn’t help but to yell at her and give her a ton of shit for it. I finally let up, but I was kind of mean about it – I blame the booze – Sorry Karen…
At some point I brilliantly decided that I should stop having shots of Jack Honey and instead, I should drink doubles of it on the rocks. This went on for some time, when we finally decided to walk back to the house and pass the fuck out around 3:30 in the morning.
Not bad for our last night in Vegas.
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
That is the sound of Karen’s alarm clock going off at 6:30am. Apparently it is automatically set to go off on every weekday at 6:30am. And it was Monday. And her phone didn’t know we were on vacation, so off it went.
I have this weird problem where once my eyes open a tiny bit and my body is aware that it is light out, it doesn’t matter what time it is or how much sleep I’ve gotten, I am awake.
So I/we got up, woke up Jack and McNugget, got dressed and packed up – well, Jack and I did… Karen was staying til late in the evening… and we got on the road.
We dropped Jack back off at his hotel so he could check out/finish packing and get to the airport for his flight. Then the remaining 3 of us when to a bar/restaurant down off the strip for breakfast which necessitated Bloody Mary’s (2 of them) to combat the combination of incredible hangover – thanks Jack Honey… – and the lack of sleep. When we had finished there, I was taken to the airport, hugged, and sent off on my way back to Florida.
I came back battered, bruised, hungover, and older.
I also came back $33 richer, happier, and with more life experience.
And since I didn’t get an STD or married (not that those two are at all on the same level,) what happened in Vegas didn’t stay there and I am perfectly happy with that.
Special THANK YOU to McNugget, Karen, Jack, Scott, MiddleShirt HallwayTurtle, and Beefcake for celebrating my 30th with me. Also, thank you for not requiring that I change your names/nicknames – even if I did so anyway – and allowing me to put pictures of your faces in my blog.