…More Than Sweet Potatoes

Never Have I Ever… (Part 1)

This post can and will stand on its own, but I strongly suggest you stop everything and read this post about my first time having sex first.

So shortly after I assured him he didn’t need to date me after having had sexual relations with me, he left.  And that was it.  We didn’t talk.  We didn’t text.  We didn’t hang out.  We didn’t date.  He just faded back into the scenery from where he had first surfaced in my world.

In true girl-logic, I was sure I had done something wrong.  Why didn’t he want to date me?  Was I that bad at sex?  Could he tell it was my first time and did that scare him into avoiding me?

It could, maybe, possibly, a little bit have been because I had round-a-bout told him I wasn’t interested in any future with him…  so yeah, I guess it might have been that.

**I just found every single Facebook Message I ever sent him.  Turns out that I did contact him about 6 months after the fact.**

Three years later I flew to Miami to “run away from home” due to a break up.  I spent a week crying, reading, watching TV, running, suntanning, and taking in at least one legal (and one illegal) substance.  I was a mess, you guys.  I really didn’t remember how I used to live my life before the boyfriend (ex-boyfriend, whatever.)

One of the many times I was in anything but a sober mindset, I happened to be playing around on Facebook and saw a post from Mr. Number 1.  My first.  He was now living in Florida and had posted a bunch of pictures.  Knowing nothing about the geography of the state of Florida, I sent him a facebook messages.  The following are our actual messages from 2009:


Me: I don’t know if you remember me, but in case you do, I am in Miami lakes through Monday. We’ll be in west palm Saturday and thought it might be fun to get a drink (or 8) while I’m here.

Number 1:Of course I remember u Hun. What are u doing in my neck of the woods? Is the north too cold?

Me: Something like that. I needed a temporary change of scenery. Are you available at all while I’m here?

Number 1: unfortunatly, this saturday i will be across the state in Tampa for Gasparilla ( check google, its pretty crazy ) whats ur schedules the rest of the week like?

Me: I’m here all week. I’m pretty bored during the day. I just run, shower and then read and get a tan regardless of the weather. I’m on vacation and staying with an old friend. When would it work for you to party together?

Number 1: well i’m out of here friday-sun. Maybe sunday-afternoon-evening-monday morning counting on a scale of 1-10 of how drunk and crazy you care to get. 1 being a social sip of beer all professional like and 10 being i’m wondering around pondering why i’m in the bahamas wearing womens underwear.

Me: That could work. Just a couple of notes: 1) I don’t have a car so I either convince my friend to head to west palm twice in one weekend or you get to do some driving. 2) Monday I fly home. I’m pretty sure it’s a noon flight out of ft lauderdale, so I can’t get to a 10 on the drunk scale. However, I CAN plan on hitting and maintaining a level 8 – drunk enough for bad judgement and incriminating pictures.

Number 1:  so your saying you don’t want to go to the bahamas?

Well level 8 or terror alert orange is the plan, personally i think i make my better choices and take my best pics about there. its either i head over to miami lakes from tampa but i would need sleeping arrangements. Or if WPB was the choice i live 45 north.

Me: We will head to wpb Sunday. Text me when u r on ur way back on Sunday and an address to type into the gps. We can meet you near city place. You can txt me before then too, if u want. It may take me a while to get back to ya, but I promise I’m not avoiding you. LOL

Number 1: you guys gonna head back to Miami lakes that night or staying in WPB?

Me: We will head back to Miami lakes.  We’ll just make sure we are sober enough to drive.

Number 1:ok, that works. That means i have to sober up as well. Congrats by the way, you just made the list of people i’ll probably drunk text later since its a big bar night for us.

Me:I’m excited for drunk texts…and Sunday.

A couple of days later, KC and I drove the hour and a half-ish to West Palm Beach to meet up with Number 1.  It had been 3 years and I was mildly nervous.  We had talked more via facebook messages than we’d ever spoken in the past.  But I knew that he looked exactly the same…and there was booze involved.  Immediately.  We went to two different bars in City Place when it started to pour, so we decided to stick it out at the second bar, order a third or fourth, or maybe fifth strong alcoholic beverage when KC smirked and winked at me.


I can’t tell you how or why I knew this was coming, but I could just feel what was coming next.  You may know as well…

I felt my face become engulfed in flames and needles as I instinctively turned my head away from anyone’s view and I heard her say “So…did you know you were her first?”

And that’s only half of this story…


One comment on “Never Have I Ever… (Part 1)

  1. Spoken Like A True Nut
    July 30, 2015

    Oh lord…so much awkward…

    I’m going to be cringing on your behalf until Part 2 goes up and puts me out of my misery, but I’m sure that was your plan, you devious thing.


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This entry was posted on July 30, 2015 by in Uncategorized.
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