There really is a saying for every possible aspect of love and relationships, isn’t there?
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
You’ll find love when you’re not looking for it.
I mean, there are a million. There are quotes about relationships starting out, about dating, about loving yourself first (giggity,) about break ups, about moving on, about second chances…
and in my non-expert, not-at-all professional opinion…
…it’s all bullshit.
In spite of what you may have inferred from my writing on this blog, I am not at all interested in dating, a relationship, getting married, etc.
Well that doesn’t make any sense, you date…
Well of course I do. You’re absolutely right. This blog would be significantly less posted on if I didn’t date. But the key word here is “interested.” And before I continue down this rabbit hole, you have to really understand something: everything I am about to say is my opinion as far as how it applies to me and me alone. NONE of what I say is an opinion on how others should live their lives… okay? Now you may continue.
I am not interested. I’m not actively trying to meet people. I’m not actively trying to go on dates. I’m not actively looking for a relationship. I’m not actively looking to get married. In fact, I never have. It’s not me. It’s not who I am. I’m a lone wolf. I’m happy to be part of a pack. I’d be happy to be part of a duet, even. But as a happy lone wolf, I’m not actively looking for it. I’m happy being “lone.”
Even when I have dabbled into online dating or tinder or whatever, I’d never consider myself “invested” in the outcome. I’m a person who (for some ridiculous reason) firmly believes that if something is right for me, it will find me. And let’s be entirely honest, the person who is right for me – who finds me – won’t be actively looking for me, either. There’s no way I would be happy with someone who was searching for the right thing. Just based on ideological beliefs on the subject alone, knowwhaddimean?
Okay, so this makes a little sense, but like, what’s up then?
Well, what if I am wrong? Not about the lone wolf part. That’s dead on for me. Though there is a whole list on Wikipedia of animals that might be a better analogy for this. Animals that don’t actually mate that often – or at least spend very little of their time with the intention of mating. For example, a panda. Yes, the fucking amazing, adorable, smushy, playful panda. I’m going to call myself the lone panda from here on out. Wow, I digressed pretty hard there, didn’t I… FYI, the title for this blog post came at the end of writing it… so I didn’t know I was going to name myself the lone panda when I started this thing… Let’s get back to the point though, shall we?
This it the part I’m concerned I am wrong about: the adages about love and relationships being bullshit. What if there really are millions of dudes who want this lone panda all for themselves? But more importantly, what if love really does show up when I least expect it, or when I’m not looking, or when it’s least convenient, or whatever other stupid phrase I’ve heard over the last 15ish years of my life?
What if, while I wasn’t
looking planning trying to find a person, a person found me? And what if it’s a really good fit? And what if it works out? And what if I want to be around that person a lot of the time?
Would that make me half a hypocrite (because I fell into one of those damn adages pretty spectacularly?) Or would that negate my lone panda status (because I want to spend my time with said person?)
Does it matter as long as I am happy?
Don’t waste your time on that one, the answer there is clearly a screaming, resounding NO. It doesn’t matter as long as I am happy.
And I am.
Even if it does happen to me – even if I do find my Mr. Panda-Mate – I will still believe that we were supposed to find each other exactly when we did. And I will *likely* still believe that it has nothing to do with not “looking” for him or because it was “least expected,” but rather that our paths crossed when it was the right time for both of us to smack into each other on our roads of life…
…and I’ll likely scoff at the adages that I may or may not therefore consider to be utter hypocrisy.