Restrictions on Swiping Right (A Tinder Post)

I had already pre-written a post for today’s posting, but The Tao of Ilene will have to wait another week.  I have something much more important to write about: Playing Tinder.

For those of you who don’t know, I clearly take Tinder seriously.  Haha.  No I don’t.  I use it as a game where I try to out-match whomever I am playing against.  Or, as linked above, I try to get the most matches possible within a 48 hour period.  It’s a game to me.

My apologies to those who find this offensive, or something.

But, actually no, I don’t apologize.

It’s fun…and funny.

Serious question: Why are there so many pictures of dudes holding fish?

I’ve played Tinder multiple times.  One of the best experiences, thus far, has been setting the same profile picture as J (one of the both of us making faces) and choosing the same discovery preferences as each other and then swiping right to everyone for 5 minutes (or some amount of time.)  Keep in mind that basically every guy on tinder in a 50 mile radius of me is swiping right to every girl.  Only one girl in that 50 mile radius is doing the same.  And it’s me.

After we had exhausted the fun of that (and all the ridiculous messages people were sending) we decided to go same-sex on our discovery settings.  For the record, I had 9 girls swipe right to me.  That felt nice.

At this point I’d like to give a very large, loving, shout out to one of the best humans I know: AJ.  He selflessly used one minute and two seconds of his time to document this rockstar game of Tinder (and some gratuitous cleavage shots.)  He then also graciously sent the video to me so that I could use it for this post.  So all together now:

THANK YOU, AJ!

Last weekend, while in Naples, I played again.  This time I gave a made up address to a couple guys.  I told another to meet me at a bus stop on some street corners (that I clearly did not go to.)  I had J text a guy in the interest of being a complete dick to people… basically I had a great deal of fun at the expense of some dudes I’d never run into in the future.

Then something absolutely fucking shitty happened…

The creators of Tinder created a Premium Tinder, which costs money.  The premium version allows you unlimited swipe rights, the ability to go back if you accidentally swipe left to someone you’re interested in but swiped too quickly, and, apparently, allows you to Tinder around the world.

The regular, stupid, boring, old, free version of Tinder… will now have a LIMITED NUMBER OF SWIPE RIGHTS.

They BROKE Tinder.

It’s ruined.  Forever.

 So, I think I am officially quitting the game of Tinder.  I gotta get out before they force me out.  Or before they force me to pay $19.99 (those under 30 can get it for $9.99 which is straight up ageism, by the way.)

RIP the game of Tinder. I’ll miss you.

Have you guys ever played Tinder?  What’s the most ridiculous thing that’s ever happened to you while playing?  What’s the best pick up/opening line you’ve heard?