…More Than Sweet Potatoes

I’m Vibrating!

Psychosomatic disorder: A disorder characterized by physical symptoms resulting from psychological factors, usually involving a system of the body such as the gastrointestinal orgenitourinary system. (dictionary.com)

One of my favorite psychological movies.  Also, it makes an amazing drinking game...

One of my favorite psychological movies. Also, it makes an amazing drinking game…


Three weeks ago I woke up and started my day as I normally do when a sensation filled my lower torso and stopped me in my tracks.  I checked my pockets, looked around quizzically, shrugged it off and continued to make breakfast and head out for a run.

While running the same sensation happened again.  Again, I shrugged it off.

It happened again.

and again.

and again.

and again.

and again.

In the shower; in the car on the way to work; while walking; while sitting; while using the restroom.

I just chalked it up to stress or something and figured it’d go away the next day.  It didn’t.  Or the next day.  Or the following day.  Or the one after that.

The sensation itself was very feel-able but entirely un-see-able.  However, the feeling was that of a cell phone sitting squarely over my ovary on vibrate going off every 30 seconds to a minute.  There was ZERO pain, just annoying vibrating.

robot_apocalypse_phone

Like this, but on my ovary

After 3 days of a vibrating ovary, I called my lady doctor and made an appointment for the following Monday.  Seven days after the vibrating started.  Over that week the vibrating went for super intense to less intense but more consistent.

Also over the course of that week, I also did some googling – which can be really stupid if you’re a hypochondriac (which by the way, is a psychosomatic disorder itself.)   Here is a list of what I found it could be:
(1) It could be radio vibrations being picked up by the Mirena IUD – but I don’t have one of those, so that isn’t it.
(2) It could be dehydration – but I drink 3-4 liters of water a day, so it isn’t that.
(3) It could be a potassium and magnesium deficiency – So I took supplements for the rest of the week and nothing changed, so that isn’t it.
(4) It could be stress – but my stress levels were actually down from the previous month or so, so that’s probably not it either.

When Monday rolled around, I ditched out of work 45 minutes early to go to my uterus and ovaries felt up in an attempt to find the source of the vibrating.  And, of course, she found nothing.  She was both baffled and confused by what it could be.  She said that there isn’t one thing she could think of that has a vibrating ovary as a symptom.  Her best guess would be a compressed nerve, but even then, the fact that there is no pain, and it’s so G. D. local (i.e. there is never any residual vibrating anywhere else) makes it pretty unlikely…so she ordered an ultrasound.

Two days later I had my feet in stirrups while I was being violated in the name of medicine.  The ultrasound technician and physician’s assistant both mentioned how unusual my situation is and then poked around for 15 minutes while I made awkward jokes.  They didn’t see anything right away that would justify the sensations existence, but sent my ultrasound out to radiology.


When they left me in the room to re-dress, I saw that they hadn’t cleared the statistics for the size and shape of my uterus and ovaries.  Mine are slightly smaller than average – fun fact.  Also, my uterus would fit in the palm of my child-sized hands.  It is 6.9cm tall and 3.9cm wide.  But I digress…

uterus_plush_toy


I started to lose it at this point.  What if nothing is happening.  What if there is no reason for me to have a vibrating ovary?  I mean, I don’t want what they’re looking for: cancer, a cyst, etc. but somehow, having no reason is actually scarier.  Probably because of my moderate background and research in Psychology, but the idea that it’s literally “all in my head” scares the holy fuck out of me.

Over this last weekend I had an opportunity to roll around on a massage/foam roller thingy.  Since doing so, I had 2 full days of no vibrating!  Huzzah!  Maybe it really is a compressed nerve after all and I’m just a superhero who feels no pain!?  This isn’t horrible news at all.  And it also means I’m not psychosomatic.  This revelation relieved a lot of the tension I was feeling and made me smile.

the-grid-massage-therapy-roller


It’s been about a week since I went in for my ultrasound and I haven’t heard anything…which in this case.. I guess no news is good news.  But, in a fun twist of events, the vibrating has returned.

I guess it’s good I bought myself my very own massaging/foam roller which will be shipping to me this week…  As long as it continues to work – even if only temporarily – I will concede that I am not suffering from a mental illness that is fabricating physical manifestations in my body.

For now.

Are you a medical anomaly?  Have you ever been accused of being a hypochondriac?  Have you ever randomly self-diagnosed yourself with something far out of the realm of likelihood?   Do you, like me, think Psychosomatic and other Disassociative disorders are the coolest ever?

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