…More Than Sweet Potatoes

The Bachelor: Gift Exchanges and Comedy Shows

Last week on The Bachelor… We finally had some real “success” in the bedroom, we “cuddled” and went bowling with a decently large group of people I am friends with.  When leaving bowling that Monday, he had asked if he could swing by on Wednesday (Xmas Eve) to bring me a “small token” for the holidays.

On Christmas Eve, I got out of work a bit early and went to happy hour with my cousin.  We spent a couple hours on the beach taking in the sights and some drinks before heading to a friend’s house for Christmas Eve feast.  The Bachelor texted me early in the day about meeting up to exchange gifts, but I told him to let me know when he was planning to stop by on his way out of town.  He texted again right when we arrived at happy hour.  Happy hour was RIGHT by my house, at a bar we had attended a few times, but I told him I was already en route to the feast.  Why, you may ask?  Simple!  I hadn’t gotten his gift yet.

I had already decided that I was going to get him a gift card to the only movie theater I’ll go to.  I had made this decision before he brought up giving me a gift.  I thought it was perfect: it helped plan future dates, and it was a gift for BOTH of us in case he didn’t get me a gift.


But I hadn’t gotten it yet.

So I stalled.

After Christmas came and went – and I did all the supremely stereotypical things Jewish people do on Christmas with my cousin – The Bachelor and I made plans to get together and do the gift exchanging.  I put my gift card in its little case, wrote in the To: and From: portions and placed it in a envelope.  I was ready!

He chose the Sunday after Christmas and showed up at my house with a box and a hungry kiss which he abruptly pulled away from to shove a wrapped box in my face.  The “card” (read: folded piece of wrapping paper) said “To baby, honey, sweetie, …, … ,… ,… ” he listed about 15 pet names that I don’t remember him calling me.  Ever.  I put the “card” to the side and opened my gift.

 Reminder: I bought him a movie theater gift card.

He got me a new Sonicare toothbrush.

31rkrJE1a+L._SY355_And before you go “gross, the guy you’re dating got you a TOOTHBRUSH” you need these facts: (1) Mine had recently broken and I all about cried over it; (2) I’m obsessive about my oral hygiene; (3) I REALLY prefer that, IF you are going to get me a gift, the gift be something I need or want and not just something that’s nice/generic/funny.  So actually, it was a great fucking gift.


I wish I could tell you that we intercoursed or went out to dinner or something after that, but I don’t recall AT ALL what we did.  Probably watched a movie and drank.

We had also made plans for the following Tuesday.  December 30th.  Which happens to be my best neighbors birthday.  So I invited The Bachelor to join us at dinner and a comedy show.  At dinner we had ordered the same thing.  Provided, it wasn’t THAT good, it was a far cry from bad food, but if you ask him?  It was the worst tuna he had ever had.  I know this because he complained about it an exact 9 times (I started keeping count around the third complaint.)

After dinner we went to the backroom to the comedy show.  We picked a table and arranged our chairs so that he and I were next to each other, facing the stage, with the table slightly to our right.

While we were watching the barely-worth-a-chuckle comedians, things got a little weird:  He spent a lot of the time talking to me or staring at me during the show instead of paying attention to the jokes.  He made his own comments and ad libbed some not-at-all-funny racist/inappropriate things.  He regularly commented “I don’t get why that’s funny,” but wouldn’t let me explain it to him – nor would I have known how to anyway.  He also put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him a lot.  Which I just did NOT understand.  It’s not like we’re cuddling on the couch watching a movie.  We’re in public.  In separate chairs.  Watching comedy.  Like, put your arm around me or my chair, fine…but pulling me into you?  WHY!?  He then proceeded to grab my boob and smacked my ass.


This is actually hilarious.

You may or may not recall from this post that I did not like the way he smacked my ass and had addressed it with him in the past.

When the comedy show was over, we finished out drinks and headed home.  There was a whole “fight” between me and a neighbor – which is just something we do out of love – that spiraled fully out of control, but when we got back we said goodbye to the friends and headed inside…

…where he said “get over here and kiss me,” grabbed my arm and pulled me over to him and grabbed my ass.

You’re probably going to tell me I was overreacting to be upset about this, but we had addressed in the past that I don’t like being spoken to that way – and I had explained to him the reasons behind it, which would be an entire blog post or three on its own – and he had agreed to not do so… so I pulled away, annoyed.

Me: [smiling, calm] Hey.  I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned that I don’t like being told what to do.  If I didn’t, I’m sorry, but I don’t like it.

The Bachelor: You did

Me: Okay. [no longer smiling] So, if you could continue to NOT do it in the future…

The Bachelor: Well, I just like to see you squirm.


Walter knows what's up...

Walter knows what’s up…

Now do you agree that I wasn’t overreacting?

Come back next week to find out if I (a) asked him to leave, (b) got into a huge screaming fight that made my neighbors come knock on the door to make sure I was okay, or (c) if things were handled like adults and we continued our night.

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