…More Than Sweet Potatoes

Stupid Alarm Clock Games

Dear Alarm Clock,

I feel like we’ve had a really good relationship over the last 4 years of being in each other’s lives.  Sometimes I find you really annoying, but I appreciate the assistance you give me in getting up for work, running, and other engagements.  I mean, the sun is still very asleep when you start your job.

I know I’ve hit you a few times along the way.  Okay… a few times a day… But I really appreciate that you forgive me every time and remind me 9 minutes later that it’s time to peel myself from the velcro that is the comfort of my bed.


This is my actual alarm clock. I love it. Most of the time.


Things I know and appreciate about you:

1) Your “on” indication light is visible across the room so I can be sure you’re ready for the morning
2) You start out low and steady when you begin to buzz and then progressively get louder and speedier.
3) You never give up.  Remember that time I forgot to turn you off and poor Gizmo had to listen to you all day long until I got home from work?
4) After I push your snooze button, your indicator light flashes to inform me that you’re only giving me 9 more minutes.

So what happened today?

Today, like most days, I set you for 5:32. (Editorial note: I refuse to set my alarm for a round number.  It’s one of my many weird quirks.)  But when I rolled over this morning, I saw the sun.  THE SUN.  Alarm clock, when was the last time you woke me up AFTER the sun?

I grabbed my cell phone off the nightstand to see it was 7:30.  Two.  Hours.  Later.  Than.  Planned.  I shot up out of bed faster than ever, fed Gizmo, threw on clothes (thankfully I showered before bed last night,) washed my face, brushed my teeth, took Gizmo out and ran out the door with some string cheese and veggies for lunch…

So what happened?  You weren’t buzzing annoyingly so I know I didn’t sleep through your alert.  Your “on” indicator light was still on.  It wasn’t flashing.  I didn’t hit snooze for 2 hours.  You were set for the correct time.  So what?  Why did you forsake me??


“I was just playing stupid alarm clock games!”

I can only think of two possibilities: (1) you malfunctioned somehow and are broken and in need of replacing, or (2) I had gotten up to turn you entirely “off” when the alarm first went off, then immediately turned you back “on,” effectively setting you for 5:32am the next day.

I have no idea.

I’m frustrated.

Are you just mad at me for some unknown reason?

Either way, I went from awake to out the door in 10 minutes and I shall set my phone alarm as a back up for the foreseeable future.

I’m sure this will be the last time this happens, yes?  Just know, I’m not above replacing you.


Don’t test me, alarm clock…



One comment on “Stupid Alarm Clock Games

  1. Christopher S. Malone
    February 15, 2015

    The relationship between a person and their inanimate object. I had to put mine to rest a year or so ago — I swear it became possessed. Randomly, it would buzz and crackle and radio waves, talking could be heard. I have since used my phone, which has been a reliable method. Although, I cannot it it, and hitting the snooze takes more of a precise push, it can be easily thrown into the hamper, a place where the last couple days-worth of clothing muffles it’s ring.


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This entry was posted on February 12, 2015 by in learning about me, Open letter, opinion and tagged , , , , , , .
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