…More Than Sweet Potatoes

The Morning After

Note: This is a blow by blow of my thoughts this morning.  I’ll warn you, I swear a lot in my thoughts.  Enjoy my misery…

*beep…. beep…. beep…*
*beep…. beep…. beep….*
*beep…. beep…. beep….*

That’s my alarm.  Fuck.  What the fuck time is it anyway?  Tell me I didn’t set my alarm for “wake up for a run” time.  Tell me I was smart enough to set it for “get up and half-assed get ready for work” time.  Oh, good.  I did.  Holy headache, batman.  Snooze button, you’re my hero.


Puppies can even make being a degenerate look adorable…

*beep…. beep…. beep…*
*beep…. beep…. beep….*
*beep…. beep…. beep….*

I hear you, alarm clock.  I hear you.  Ow.  My head.  What the SHIT did I drink last night?  I had that glass of wine.  Then I had the one stout.  A porter and that other stout.  Wait, that’s it?!  I’m a girl who can drink all day.  Am I getting too old for this shit?  Snooze button, I love you.

*beep…. beep…. beep…*
*beep…. beep…. beep….*
*beep…. beep…. beep….*

Okay.  I actually need to get up.  I didn’t really give myself a lot of time this morning and I just snoozed away some of it.  You know what though?  Cuddle time with Gizmo is infinitely more important than getting up.  Oh, nope.  Can’t lay that way because it makes my head throb.  Okay.  Okay puppy-face.  I’m awake.  Let’s get you some breakfast.


Oh Excedrin.  You really are the unsung hero of my 20’s.  I have a text.  Oh shit.  I’m not really sure I want to see any outgoing texts or calls from last night.  There’s really no telling what I’ll say or do whilst intoxicated.  How is it possible that 3 beers and 1 glass of wine made me this way?!  I’m a CHAMPION drinker.  DAMN YOU, CRAFT BEER.  DAMN YOU!!!

Snap chat.  There’s no way I didn’t snap chat.  Shit. Shit. Shit.  What did I snap at people?!?  This headache is incredible.  When will the Excedrin do its thing?  I probably should drink water.  I’m probably dehydrated.  That’s better!  Maybe I should eat an egg or something.


I CLEARLY need to step up my snap game…

Oh.  Nope.  No way food is going in my body right now.  There’s the sweats.  I’ve been expecting you, sweats.  I need to change.  Put on clothes that were not worn to go out last night.  Yep.  I definitely snap chatted.  But what did I send?  This is no good, lady.  No good.  You’re better than this!

Look at you!  You’re doing it!  You’ve drank a bottle of water and put on clothes.  You’ve washed your face… you’re really doing it!  I’m proud.  Now to brush the teeth… oh right, I forgot that every time I brush my teeth after a night of drinking I fight the urge to vom.  DO.  NOT.  VOM.

Success.  Okay, I give… I’ll check the text situation.  Not so bad this time.  This is a huge win for the morning.  Work.  Let’s do this.  Oh shit… I definitely just walked through the whole building with sunglasses on.  Could I be more obvious?  Aaaaand I forgot my lunch.  Fuck.  Well I guess I will have to go out and buy something.  I really want a burger from the burger joint down the road.

They do burgers right, man.  But I can’t.  No way.  (1) my boss will know I’m hungover.  He knows I only eat “badly” when I’m hungover.  (2) I should eat healthier.  This hangover will go away faster if I give my body good things to work with.  I guess I’ll get Panera?  I guess.

0111Piper's chair5

MOAR PUPPIES! But I want to be exactly where he is right now…

I just want to be curled up in one of my Ikea chairs with a throw blanket watching DVR all day.  Is work over yet?  No?  Fuck…

3 comments on “The Morning After

  1. militarywiferants
    November 13, 2014

    True Story: No matter how much I drink in public, I don’t really get drunk. ONe beer at home though and I’m hammered.

    I so feel your pain. Nothing worse than going to work so hung over you can’t even stomach the smell of food.


    • Deborah Ilene
      November 14, 2014

      I can drink domestic big label beer literally all day long and not get drunk…but one craft beer and I’m tipsy.


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This entry was posted on November 13, 2014 by in alcohol, alcoholic, Drinking and tagged , , , , , , , .
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