When it says use milk… USE MILK

Remember in college (or whenever you were the most poor and/or lazy you’ve ever been) when you ran out of something?

Like socks.  You ran out of socks and either didn’t wear socks, bought new ones or (don’t lie, you did this) just wore dirty socks.  I believe this is exactly the same with underwear.  And t-shirts.  Not that I ever did any of this…

When it comes to food, we got a little more creative.  Ran out of cereal?  Ramen for breakfast is acceptable.  Ran out of Easy Mac?  Popcorn will count as a meal.  Ran out of milk for your cereal that you didn’t run out of yet?  Water will work.

Actually, that last one sounds horrible.  Don’t do that.

But the point remains, we learn to substitute for things we don’t have.

Or things we don’t want…

For example, because of my health, I am unable to eat most/any carby deliciousness.  So I’ve learned adapted to making zucchini noodles, eggplant lasagna, cauliflower crust pizza, etc.

When baking (which I don’t often do) I substitute diet coke or applesauce for the oil.  I’ve subbed agave nectar for sugar.  I’ve subbed milled flax seed for flour.

The point is, substituting often yields good results

Or at least good enough results.

This weekend I failed at substitution.

As you may or may not have read here, I dressed up as The Dude for Halloween.  If you are familiar with The Dude (and you really should be) you know he has an affinity for a White Russian.  So that became the go-to choice for me.  Typical White Russians have 5 parts vodka, 2 parts coffee liquor and 3 parts milk or half and half.

I think I did a pretty good job with my costume…

My first attempt at subbing was at home while Leah and I were getting ready to go out.  I didn’t have milk or half and half, but I did have heavy cream.  I poured in a bit and immediately regretted the decision.  It curdled.  Immediately.

Looks cool, but it’s gross and thick and curdled. NO THANK YOU.

I shed a tear while pouring the liquor down the drain and went next door to ask my neighbor for milk.  She had almond milk.  That worked perfectly.

Almond Milk WR – perfect

We then made our way out to celebrate All Hallows Eve.  At the first bar we went to I went to the bartender to get Leah a beer and a WR for myself.  She walked away and came back with the beer and bad news: they don’t have milk or half and half.

So I faced a decision.  Do I drink something else?  Or do I come up with a way to make it work?

I come up with a way to make it work… obviously.

Me: Ooooo.  Um….

Bartender: What do you want instead?

Me: Actually… do you have Rumchata?

Bartender: Yes.

Me: Just pour some of that in there.  It’ll look like a White Russian.  It’ll be fine.

Bartender: Um.  Are you sure?  That’s going to be a glass of straight liquor.

Me: It’ll be fine.

But it wasn’t fine.

It tasted AMAZING.  For being a glass of ice with hard liquor in it, it was surprisingly drinkable.  Which was quite an issue.  I never felt tipsy.

Documenting the situation with snapchat

I just was all-of-the-sudden drunk.  About 1/2 way through the glass I was feeling a lot more than good and buzzed.

Live and learn I guess?  Subbing 3 parts Rumchata for 3 parts milk doesn’t make a White Russian; It just makes you drunk.

How was your halloween?  🙂