Have you ever been to a wine tasting?
Let’s assume you have.
I have been to my fair share. Actually, I’ve been to a lot of people’s fair share of wine tastings.
In almost all my experiences there are around 5 different wines that are doled out to each person. Each person has a piece of paper and a pen and is asked to mark down ratings (stars, numbers, what have you) as you swirl, see, sniff, sip, swallow.
Then when you finish, you get a discount for purchasing multiple bottles of the wines you tasted. Some places have a 1-bottle minimum.
I went wine tasting on Friday with my friend Jess. This wine tasting was an entirely different situation.
It was a wine get-drunk.
It was scheduled for 8pm. We got there at 7:55pm. There was a large table which sat something like 14 people and a small table of 4. We were sat at the reject 4-person table with a couple who walked in right after us.
Our resident wino was, among other things, knowledgeable about the wines but he failed to curb his douchiness. He also looked like Lloyd Christmas – Jim Carey’s character in Dumb and Dumber. This lead to a lot of hushed jokes and movie quotes at our table.
We were presented with a piece of paper with 7 wine names along with descriptions and told that these are our “order forms” so that we could remember what wines we wanted to buy when we were done.
Jess and I didn’t exactly follow directions. We quickly turned our wine “order forms” into ratings forms where we drew pictures to describe our opinion of the wine. These pictures included the (obvious) happy and unhappy faces, and the (less obvious) rainbow with a pot of gold, half a butterfly, 1/2 de-petaled flower, cupid, a ghost, etc.
And then we were poured our first glass. A small amount. 1-2 ounces, maybe.
It wasn’t on the list.
Neither were the next 3 wines we tasted.
We finally got to the wines that were on the list with an additional bottle here and there. We were somewhere around 15 wines tasted when a special guest showed up.
The special guest was a winemaker.
And he sat at our little table.
And brought his own wines for us to taste.
Sitting at the reject table wasn’t such a bad thing after all! 🙂
When all was said and done we had tasted 24 different wines. A couple of them we had more than one glass. We had tasted everything from red blends and sauvignon blanc’s to a lychee dessert wine which was basically made in heaven. We had a dessert cream liquor which blew Bailey’s away and gave our supreme rating – the ninja turtle drawing – to Boneshaker. Which I bought 2 bottles of, along with 4 other bottles of wine. At 11:40. Almost 4 hours later. Which explains why I thought it was okay to spend so much money on wine.
I drank everything from a $10.95 red blend to a $89.95 Malbec. I’m now officially a wino. That is how you do it, right? Just get really drunk on a lot of different wines and then buy a bunch? I sure hope so. Anything else sounds like too much work.
Jeeves, bring me a glass of that Boneshaker.