…More Than Sweet Potatoes

Overnight Camp Bitches

It’s summertime in America.  Well, I guess, in a lot of places.  Not Florida though.  Well, really it IS technically summer, but since South Florida is always hot and sticky (save for 3-4 months in the winter when everyone else is freezing and getting snow,) it’s just any other day.

gnp-sp-adv-rousey

March in Florida. Pretty much the same as August.

Last weekend I traveled up to the Orlando area which, while still in Florida, is much more north than what I’m used to.  While outside one morning I was serenaded by nature.  The breeze through the trees whizzed into my ears and filled my brain for long enough to drown out the noise of a car or two.  Though it wasn’t that uncommon to feel and hear the wind, what did take me by surprise was the cicadas.

cicada2

Hi, I’m fucking scary.

For those of you somehow unaware of what a cicada is, allow me to tell you in the most honest way possible: they’re these fucking annoying buzzing sounding bugs that are the size of your thumb (but thicker) and fly around swarming.  Every seven years they swarm – I think – but they exist every year.  You know where they don’t exist though?  Or at least I’ve yet to hear one?  South Florida.  So the sound of them brought me back home.  The Midwestern part of the United States.  HOME home.

This is actually VERY realistic.

This is actually VERY realistic.

As a little kid (read: starting at 3 years old) I attended a summer day camp where my sister worked.  It was the best ever and I kept going there until I was in 7th grade.  When I was in college, I worked there in the summers.  That place has a way of grabbing hold and never letting go…  but more on day camp in another post.

After being “too old” to be a camper, I tried being a Counselor in Training (CIT) but quickly learned of my aversion to groups of children.  Kids are like ants.  One or two is no big deal.  You’re still in charge.  You’re still bigger and stronger.  But a swarm of ants can take you fucking down…  this is how I feel about groups of kids.  Good thing I don’t have kids, right?

This is basically my biggest nightmare.  Being trapped under there?  OH. MY. NO. THANK. YOU. PLEASE.

This is basically my biggest nightmare. Being trapped under there? OH. MY. NO. THANK. YOU. PLEASE.

So the next summer I begged and begged and begged for my parents to send me to over-night camp with a girl I knew named Erin.  They relented and sent me away for 4 weeks.  Half the summer!!!  I was overflowing with excitement.  That is until I got to camp.

Did you guys know that over-night camp in Northern Wisconsin includes swimming in a LAKE.  A gross brown lake with a squishy floor/bottom.  Additionally, over-night camp in Northern Wisconsin has communal showers for us to shower in.  With a little white “curtain” to separate you from the 20 girls in line waiting to shower as well.  Over-night camp in Northern Wisconsin doesn’t let you call your parents on the phone.  Over-night camp in Northern Wisconsin is also chock-full of BITCHES.

It was the first time I actually met “mean girl” girls.

Those whores used to go into the bathroom after me – EVERY TIME – and say I made the whole place stink.  Even if I only peed.  Those twats stole my backpack and sent the whole cabin (including the counselors) on a 2 day hunt for it which ended abruptly when it was under the back of the cabin…like, underground…sticking out just enough to be seen.  Those evil hags went through my ONE DRAWER assigned to me at camp, stole all my underwear and put it all in the middle of the field between all the cabins.

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This was the exact backpack. The bottom was made out of a tire! It was WATERPROOF and rugged and amazing.

I cried.  Just about every single day.  Sure I had a friend or two there, but to this day, I couldn’t even NAME you one of them except for Erin – who I already knew went there.

The directors wouldn’t let me call my parents.  Actually, no one did anything.  I have no idea why these girls were being mean to me.  I hadn’t met any of them until the first day of camp.  I wasn’t taller, thinner, richer, prettier or stronger than any of them…so it couldn’t have been jealousy.  None of it made sense.  The only thing I can think of…

I was new.

6a

I knew by the end of that summer that I was never ever going back.  I knew over-night camp in Northern Wisconsin was not for me.  I knew that I never wanted to be around those bitches again.  I intended to tell my mom all of this the second I got home and I’m sure I did, but the return from camp led to the dog biting and lawsuit written about here.

I never went back.  I never saw any of those girls again.  I also never dealt with mean girls of that caliber again.  In that sense, I guess I’m pretty lucky.

All this because of cicadas…

So what’s your bullying story??  What’s your favorite thing about summer?  Any sounds that bring you back to your childhood that isn’t a gross cicada?

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2 comments on “Overnight Camp Bitches

  1. maurnas
    July 20, 2014

    I never got bullied because I was always a giant freak. If I had been at that camp, I would have punched those bitches right in the face.

    Actually, on consideration, I might have been a bit of a bully.

    Like

  2. Aussa Lorens
    July 20, 2014

    Ugh, I don’t know why girls are like this. I find it eternally creepy that they wouldn’t let you call your parents… that’s like Kidnappers Camp. I imagine every kid at a camp now has a cell phone.

    Trying to think of my equivalent… I had my friends in 3rd grade decide they hated me and I also remember being bullied on the bus when I was in middle school. It was a big gang of high school girls and I was an easy target because I used to be tiny for my age. Well, jokes on them bitches I stand at 5’11 now and would go all viking on their arses if I had the chance 😉

    Like

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This entry was posted on July 18, 2014 by in Uncategorized.
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