…More Than Sweet Potatoes

His Dog’s Name is a Cookie

The other day I was reading this golden post about a creepy neighbor that the beautiful Aussa Lorens was once privileged to live near.  She prompted for her readership (which is kind of stupid-huge, by the way) to share their own creepy neighbor stories… and so I shall.

I’m not going to tell you how long ago this was because I don’t want to put myself in harms way in any possible way – again – but suffice it to say I was living in an apartment and one day took my dog for a walk… which in itself is not exciting or different than any other day.  I had just come home from work and decided to take Gizmo with me to get the mail.  About half way to the mailbox Gizmo decided he wanted to stop to meet another dog he saw.

I was greeted by this neighbor-guy, we’ll call him Hannibal, and his dog.  Hannibal is easily in his late 40s (maybe early 50s,) in decent enough shape and has bright blue eyes.  His dog is black and white and probably about 15-20lbs.

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Hannibal: Hi.  I like your boots.

Um, what?

Me: Thank you.

Hannibal: Did you just get home from work?

Um, what??

Me: Yes.

Hannibal: Cool.  I’m Hannibal.  This is my dog, Malomar.

Me: Hi.  I’m Debbie [I know, I know] and this is Gizmo.

Hannibal: I’ve seen you around a bit.

Whippet_cookie

Malomar, yo. Malomar.

Um, what???

Me: Oh… okay…

Hannibal: Oh, just so you know, if you see someone else walking Malomar, it’s my roommate, not my girlfriend.

Um, okay…

Me:  If you see someone else walking Gizmo, it is not my roommate, it’s my boyfriend. [This is a lie, but whatever.]

Hannibal: Cool.  We should take our dogs on walks together.

Me: I suppose

I should point out,  he seemed entirely harmless.
Kind of like he is looking for a friend.
Any friend.

Hannibal: I live in this building right here [points.]  You live in that one [points,] right?

Me: Um.  Yep.

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Um, what????

Hannibal: Here. [Pushes his phone in my face] put your number in here and I’ll let you know when I’m walking Malomar.

Me: [hesitant, but at a complete loss] Oh… okay…

I know, I know…

Hannibal: Cool.  Thanks.  Maybe we can grab a beer sometime.

Me: I guess.  My neighbors and I hang out sometimes.  That’s kind of the only time I have a beer. [I tried you guys… I tried…]

Hannibal: Oh, awesome

Me: Okay.  I’m going to keep going on our walk.  Bye!

I then quickly high-tailed it to the mailbox, got the mail and started heading back to my apartment when we walked up to where we had been stopped by Hannibal and Malomar…

…who were still standing there smiling at me.

I pretended like Gizmo needed to get inside quickly for dinner and never even stopped or looked in their general direction.

When I got inside I received a text from an unknown number.

Hi Debbie, it’s Hannibal and Malomar!  🙂

I didn’t reply because (1) I JUST saw you guys… and (2) why are you texting me right now??  But a few minutes later my phone buzzed at me again.

It was nice to talk to you.  We’ll see you soon!

Will you?!  WILL YOU!?!?!?!

The longer I sat in my place, the more uncomfortable I got.  There was a weird vibe going on about this Hannibal guy.  Why tell me you have a roommate – not a girlfriend?  Why point at my apartment building letting me know you know I live there?  WHY NAME YOUR DOG AFTER A COOKIE WHEN YOU’RE A GROWN ASS MAN!?

sev-creepy-guy-text-message-blog

These are not the texts he sent me, but it’s pretty similar.

Hannibal continued to text me every time he took Malomar for a walk.  And any time he was bored and wanted to have a beer with me.  I came up with excuse after excuse.  I made a point of avoiding him when I was walking Gizmo.  This went on for weeks before I think he finally gave up.  I felt a little bad, but only a really little bit.

More than a year later, he dragged my neighbor into a conversation.  She’s even nicer than I pretend to be, so she got an earful and a half.  It seems he has multiple roommates… in a one bedroom apartment.  It also seems that he is divorced, lonely and sad.  Apparently he has had bad luck when it comes to online and offline dating.  He needs someone to hang out with and talk to.  He thought she’d be a good person for that.

The reason we know all of this?

He wrote it all down in a note he taped to her door…

And he signed it from “Hannibal and Malomar”

toolate

And you know what, maybe he really does just need someone to talk to.  Maybe he really is just a nice guy who is a little too awkward.  Maybe he’s innocent.

Or maybe he wants to make accessories out of our skins

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14 comments on “His Dog’s Name is a Cookie

  1. Midwestern Plant Girl
    July 7, 2014

    Hmm. Yes. A bit creepy. If he hadn’t pointed out your apt, psycho texted you or always sign off w / Malomar and me… He may just be fine (?) Ha!

    Like

    • Deborah Ilene
      July 8, 2014

      Nothing bad has happened to date, so I’ll go ahead and say he’s just a weird guy… but yeah… I don’t need to know that you know where I live. Even if you do…just, ya know, act like you don’t.

      Like

  2. Christopher S. Malone
    July 7, 2014

    “I once ate a man’s liv–”

    Oh, I’m sorry. Got carried away. I know a guy that was very similar to this, despite my not knowing him. He was one of my coffee shop studies before he was kicked out of said coffee shop. Oh, yeah. This guy is a gem. And to make things worse …

    “Put the lotion on it’s sk–”

    Oh, jeez, there I go again with the Silence of the Lambs’ quotes.

    You have to be careful with these people. Perhaps it was a Freudian slip when he immediately said that he’s seen you around before, instead of casually inserting it in the middle of the conversation … or texting you immediately. I’m getting so many creepy feelings crawling up my skin.

    Malomar … was that the actual name?

    Like

    • Deborah Ilene
      July 8, 2014

      I’ve been told before that I need to learn to disengage: at bars, walking down the street, etc. I suppose I could put up a wall, but for all the times I’ve been told the contrary, I think it means I’m approachable.

      What I do need to do is learn to say “no” and/or not give my number to people.

      No, the dogs name wasn’t Malomar, but I change people’s names, so it seemed fitting to change his dogs name as well. Though, it was, in fact, the name of a cookie.

      Like

      • Christopher S. Malone
        July 8, 2014

        True. I definitely was not thinking on this end with consideration to the dog’s name. Your “buddy” probably is searching the internet and came across your blog. Yeeeeeesh.

        Saying, “No,” is difficult. It must be our compassion and the two-lettered word has such a negative connotation that we don’t want to deal with.

        Like

  3. Erin
    July 7, 2014

    Where do you find these creeps?!

    Like

  4. Aussa Lorens
    July 8, 2014

    Hahahaha oh my gosh okay I have ANOTHER creepy neighbor post to write that is eerily similar to this one– same thing with the dogs!

    Like

    • Deborah Ilene
      July 8, 2014

      Well, by all means, SHARE THAT STORY! Consider me your prompt. 😉

      Like

  5. maurnas
    July 10, 2014

    Debbie! You should know better! Floridians are not to be trusted. Just assume that ALL of them are serial killers. It’s what I do and I am still alive after nearly 30 years. What more proof do you need?

    Like

    • Deborah Ilene
      July 10, 2014

      If I assumed that, I would never have met you, dear!!!!

      Like

      • maurnas
        July 10, 2014

        But, I still might be one. You’ll never truly know because I like you too much to kill you now.

        Like

      • Deborah Ilene
        July 11, 2014

        I’m pretty certain serial killers don’t make that distinction…

        Like

    • Deborah Ilene
      July 24, 2015

      Um, I just re-read this. I’m now super amused about this post because of both the Hannibal and the Serial Killer conversations we had last month! We have lovely obsessions, don’t we?!

      Like

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This entry was posted on July 7, 2014 by in Blog, Bored, learning about me, stalker and tagged , , , , , , , , .
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