The other day I was reading this golden post about a creepy neighbor that the beautiful Aussa Lorens was once privileged to live near. She prompted for her readership (which is kind of stupid-huge, by the way) to share their own creepy neighbor stories… and so I shall.
I’m not going to tell you how long ago this was because I don’t want to put myself in harms way in any possible way – again – but suffice it to say I was living in an apartment and one day took my dog for a walk… which in itself is not exciting or different than any other day. I had just come home from work and decided to take Gizmo with me to get the mail. About half way to the mailbox Gizmo decided he wanted to stop to meet another dog he saw.
I was greeted by this neighbor-guy, we’ll call him Hannibal, and his dog. Hannibal is easily in his late 40s (maybe early 50s,) in decent enough shape and has bright blue eyes. His dog is black and white and probably about 15-20lbs.
Hannibal: Hi. I like your boots.
Me: Thank you.
Hannibal: Did you just get home from work?
Hannibal: Cool. I’m Hannibal. This is my dog, Malomar.
Me: Hi. I’m Debbie [I know, I know] and this is Gizmo.
Hannibal: I’ve seen you around a bit.
Me: Oh… okay…
Hannibal: Oh, just so you know, if you see someone else walking Malomar, it’s my roommate, not my girlfriend.
Me: If you see someone else walking Gizmo, it is not my roommate, it’s my boyfriend. [This is a lie, but whatever.]
Hannibal: Cool. We should take our dogs on walks together.
Me: I suppose
I should point out, he seemed entirely harmless.
Kind of like he is looking for a friend.
Hannibal: I live in this building right here [points.] You live in that one [points,] right?
Me: Um. Yep.
Hannibal: Here. [Pushes his phone in my face] put your number in here and I’ll let you know when I’m walking Malomar.
Me: [hesitant, but at a complete loss] Oh… okay…
I know, I know…
Hannibal: Cool. Thanks. Maybe we can grab a beer sometime.
Me: I guess. My neighbors and I hang out sometimes. That’s kind of the only time I have a beer. [I tried you guys… I tried…]
Hannibal: Oh, awesome
Me: Okay. I’m going to keep going on our walk. Bye!
I then quickly high-tailed it to the mailbox, got the mail and started heading back to my apartment when we walked up to where we had been stopped by Hannibal and Malomar…
…who were still standing there smiling at me.
I pretended like Gizmo needed to get inside quickly for dinner and never even stopped or looked in their general direction.
When I got inside I received a text from an unknown number.
Hi Debbie, it’s Hannibal and Malomar! 🙂
I didn’t reply because (1) I JUST saw you guys… and (2) why are you texting me right now?? But a few minutes later my phone buzzed at me again.
It was nice to talk to you. We’ll see you soon!
Will you?! WILL YOU!?!?!?!
The longer I sat in my place, the more uncomfortable I got. There was a weird vibe going on about this Hannibal guy. Why tell me you have a roommate – not a girlfriend? Why point at my apartment building letting me know you know I live there? WHY NAME YOUR DOG AFTER A COOKIE WHEN YOU’RE A GROWN ASS MAN!?
Hannibal continued to text me every time he took Malomar for a walk. And any time he was bored and wanted to have a beer with me. I came up with excuse after excuse. I made a point of avoiding him when I was walking Gizmo. This went on for weeks before I think he finally gave up. I felt a little bad, but only a really little bit.
More than a year later, he dragged my neighbor into a conversation. She’s even nicer than I pretend to be, so she got an earful and a half. It seems he has multiple roommates… in a one bedroom apartment. It also seems that he is divorced, lonely and sad. Apparently he has had bad luck when it comes to online and offline dating. He needs someone to hang out with and talk to. He thought she’d be a good person for that.
The reason we know all of this?
He wrote it all down in a note he taped to her door…
And he signed it from “Hannibal and Malomar”
And you know what, maybe he really does just need someone to talk to. Maybe he really is just a nice guy who is a little too awkward. Maybe he’s innocent.
Or maybe he wants to make accessories out of our skins