Remember when I used to write Top 10 Lists? Remember when that was the basis of this blog? This was back before I decided to get wordy and verbose for the sole purpose of sharing stories and being a narcissistic dick. Well, in honor of Father’s day, (why not? Who needs a real reason anyway?) I’ve decided to reprise my role of list-maker.
Though, if we’re being honest – and I usually am… or something – I started making a list of things that annoy the shit out of me and when I finished #10, I couldn’t think of anything else right off the top of my head.
Let’s just pretend I intended it this way…
So… without further ado, here are the list of things that semi-irrationally bother the FUCK out of me (with pictures because they’re fun!):
1. Plus it, Minus it, times it – These are not the correct action words for what you want to do. You want to ADD it, SUBTRACT it and MULTIPLY it.
2. Conversate and Orientate. These are not words. They do not exist. The correct words are CONVERSE and ORIENT.
3. Specifying a singer in a band in the name of the band when that isn’t correct. Correct: Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band. Incorrect: Debbie Harry and Blondie
4. Interchanging terms that are not interchangeable. Example, Buffalo Grove HS, home of the Bison. Bison are NOT Buffalo. Also, neither can be made plural by adding an ‘s’. I also dislike when people put an ‘s’ to pluralize things that are already plural. So, I guess that’s #4.5
5. Carrots. Not all carrots, but the raw ones that are in my salad that refuse to get on my fork. Bastards.
6. Poorly behaved children in public. I do not blame the children, I blame the parents. If your kid is being unruly at dinner, you box up and pay for your food and take it home. Or like, take it outside to scream it out…don’t let your kid run around the restaurant screaming. Please.
7. The phrase “I could care less.” Not because I think it’s rude, but because it’s wrong. If you COULD CARE LESS you’re saying that you care about the thing in question more than you care about something else. The correct phrase is “I couldn’t care less.” The meaning is entirely opposite… how do people let this slide!?
8. Coldplay. It’s not the music. It’s not the lyrics. It’s Chris Martin’s voice. You don’t need to disagree or agree with me on this. It’s a personal preference. IF you are going to CHOOSE to make me listen to Coldplay, please find a cover version of the songs… and yes, I know many of the songs and lyrics in spite of my distaste for the band.
9. Supposeably. This is not a word. Supposedly is a word. There are, surprisingly enough, semantics to the English language and the bastardized version we’ve adopted in America. If you are supposed to do something, you will supposedly do it. The word supposedly is the adverb of “supposed”. What is supposably the adverb version of? I don’t think anyone has ever been told they were supposab to do something. Think about it…
10. Dogs in strollers at the mall. Actually, dogs at the mall. And dogs in strollers. Your dog is capable of being alone in the house for the 4 hours you somehow can spend browsing stores while you dodge the slow people with strollers, kids and just…ugh everyone. Your dog can also walk. If you can walk on 2 legs, your dog can walk on 4 legs. It’s actually really important for a dog to walk. If your dog CAN’T walk, maybe don’t take it to the G D mall??
There; my list is done. For now. Lots of things bother the shit out of me; these are just the biggest ones and the ones I could think of right now.
I’m headed out of town this week, so I probably won’t post anything again until next week. If you want to guest blog, let me know. I have 2 dates (Thursday the 19th and Monday the 23rd) that could use a guest blogger.