Everyone has that one friend. You know the friend. You’re at a party or a bar or a group outing and all of the sudden you look over and that friend is gone. THAT friend. The one who may have said “hey, I’ll be right back, I gotta make a call” or “where’s the bathroom?” but never came back.
Yeah. That friend.
I’m that friend.
Not only am I that friend, there are a number of situations I can recall where I’ve done it multiple times in the same night.
And that’s where our story begins:
Garlic Fest. The stinkiest, most delicious weekend festival to be held in South Florida. I had been begging to go to this for a full year when it finally rolled around. I got my ticket online and hatched a plan to meet my friend Lauren there. BUT…she had a slight change in plans on the day of Garlic Fest (she day-drank and then passed out for quite some time…) so I ended up meeting up with Ralph instead. Ralph was with a couple people (one of which I knew) so I hung out with them, got some drinks, and ate things made largely with garlic.
I ate two whole roasted garlic heads. Be jealous.
Whilst standing in the beer tent I spotted a former co-worker in the crowd so I said to Ralph and co “Hey! I’ll be right back. I have to go say hi to someone,” and bounced away.
Disappearing act 1 complete
I hung out with FCW (former co-worker) and his friends for the majority of the rest of the time I was there. Until I saw Lauren and her boyfriend (hashtagPowerCouple). I told FCW and friends “OMG I have to go say hi to Lauren. I’ll be back!”
Disappearing act 2 complete
After some time being with Lauren and friends, they decided to go on some of the carnival rides. I, by the way, do not go on carnival rides. It’s not because I don’t like heights or motion sickness or anything. I just do not trust anything that can be set up and broken down in a matter of an hour. So I said I was going to get a drink and I’d meet up after. I went to get a glass of wine and a Heineken Light (because I’m a classy broad) and re-found FWC and his friends.
Disappearing act 3 complete
FCW and one of his friends wanted to get something from the car and then go get food that wasn’t made primarily of garlic. I decided to go with them. The rest of his friends were left behind and uninformed (as best I know.) I texted Lauren “I left. I’m on some street. I’m lost. It’s a good thing,” and followed where they lead me.
Disappearing act 3.5 (because I was still with half of their group) complete
I suggested a pizza place (I do not eat pizza usually) and, upon walking in, ran into a group of wonderful people that I am lucky to be calling my friends. After finishing my food, these wonderful friends came over to see what my plans were. I decided to bar hop with them rather than continue my evening with FCW. I told FCW and his friend that I was going to the bathroom and I’d meet them where they were headed. I then proceeded to go across the street with my wonderful friends.
Disappearing act 4 complete
While at the bar across the street I got a text from a person who shall remain nameless asking me to help them out. This required that I leave the bar and my friends and either (a) lie about where I was going, (b) half tell them the truth or (c) just leave. Guess which one I chose?
Disappearing act 5 complete
This was all in one night… though I’ve done it a number of times. I’ve told people I would meet them out and then not go at all. I’ve left kickball tournaments to go home rather than hang out like I said I would… I’m a disappearing ninja.
I’m a disappearing actor.
Fun fact: it almost only happens when there’s alcohol involved…
Do you have any weird alcohol related skills like my amazing disappearing skills?