…More Than Sweet Potatoes

The Time I Acquired a Suitor from LinkedIn

Online dating is a thing.  We can all acknowledge it.  Its become so common and widespread that it’s starting to become the way that the majority of my friends have met their current significant other. Beyond the stereotypical Match.com and the specific sites like christianmingle.com, there are things like Tinder, Grinder – though not usually for relationship searching, Zoosk (or whatever that thing that pops up on my facebook is,) and there are plenty more.

I don't understand how this is a thing... don't the Amish NOT USE electricity?  How are they using the internet...?

I don’t understand how this is a thing… don’t the Amish NOT USE electricity? How are they using the internet…?

Those who are bold and want to be different will use facebook, twitter or Instagram to meet people.

This is not supposed to happen on LinkedIn.

For those of you who don’t know, LinkedIn is what I have dubbed “professional facebook.”  It’s basically an online Rolodex with extra information about a person’s professional history.  For more information, please read this post I made about LinkedIn during my Social Media Series.


So one day I get a LinkedIn Message from a guy who I didn’t think I knew.

I got a notification in my email that Dennis [last name redacted] wants to add me to his connections on LinkedIn.  Normally I just delete the messages in my email, go to LinkedIn, and approve people… but his name didn’t ring a bell at all, so I opened the email.  And boy am I glad that I did…


ACTUAL email correspondence

I mean, thank you for liking my smile.  I like it, too.  But, um…. you fell for a photo of me and that made you want to get to know me better?

I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt… you know, innocent until proven guilty… and went to his profile on LinkedIn to see how we were connected.

We weren’t connected.  We have zero connections in common.  We have dissimilar educational backgrounds; As you can tell from his photograph we are significantly dissimilar in age.  We have almost nothing in common that would even put me on his radar.



Aren’t summaries supposed to be brief?

He worked at a job that I also worked at…but like, 10 years before me.  So really, that’s not a connection.  So basically, this dude creeps around LinkedIn looking for young girls (I’m flattering myself here, but just go with it) to hit on.  On a PROFESSIONAL CONNECTION NETWORK.

At the time I received this email – and subsequently decided to look up his profile – I was out at happier hour(s) with a group of ladies.  I was not sober.  I decided to email him back.  Because I’m a dick and wanted to know what the hell he was thinking…  I mean, I like older guys, but (1) how would he know that?? and (2) not THAT old.

dennis email

What I WANTED to say was “are you rich and do you want to fly my friends and I to your compound for a weekend getaway?” because he claimed to live on an island… but alas…

In case you can’t read that, it says “Hi Dennis.  Thank you for your kind words.  Happy Friday night.  I am interested in finding out how you came across my LinkedIn profile.  I hope you’re having a lovely week.”  I can be polite as shit, you guys…

He replied.  Like 2 minutes later.

dennis email 2

We’re on a nickname basis now… I can now call him “Denni”

I popped up on the top right corner of people he may know??  WHY?!?!  LinkedIn just wanted to play matchmaker that day and thought maybe we’d be a perfect match??  I’m so… just… ugh…

I don’t think I replied to him after that.  I don’t have any follow up emails in my email archives.  I really should have replied.  I mean, he closed his email with “I care.”

I wonder if I had kept in contact with him if I could have visited him on his private island or whatever…

Editor’s note: I realize that this dude really could have been a lonely sad man and my assumption that he was creeping on me could have been wrong.  My gut said to stop replying and let it go, so that’s what I did.

Anyone have a story similar to this?  I hope I’m not the only person who has been contacted or possibly hit on through an unconventional channel.  I know Aussa has.  Anyone else?  Bueller??


5 comments on “The Time I Acquired a Suitor from LinkedIn

  1. maurnas
    April 21, 2014

    Ew. No. Creeper. Always go with your gut on that stuff. Also, who the fuck signs off with ‘I care’? Serial killers. That’s who. You’re better off leaving that alone. Ew. (Wouldn’t it be cool if this whole comment was a palindrome? It isn’t.)


  2. Ann St. Vincent
    November 10, 2014

    I suspect from the bad spelling and grammar that he might not be who he professed to be? But I’m really darn cynical now…


  3. militarywiferants
    November 21, 2014

    My husband sent me waaaay creepier messages when he found me on plenty of fish. It’s all good.


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This entry was posted on April 21, 2014 by in date, dating.
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