…More Than Sweet Potatoes

Dating: The Not-So-Amazing-Houdini Part 2 – The Textversation

So I last left off with the teaser that one month after being blown off by Bob, he sent me a text, but in case you don’t remember and don’t want to re-read the whole thing here’s a quick synopsis:

I went on two dates with Bob and we were planning date 3 when he bailed – last minute.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt and gave him an opportunity to make replacement plans.  Instead he asked me what I was looking for and decided to completely radio silence me after my response (which wasn’t scary or commitment filled at all.)  Then, exactly a month later he decided to send me a text.

This is where our story continues.

Every year (more or less) I participate in someone else’s family vacation on the west coast of Florida.  I had just gotten out of the shower Friday night in the process of getting ready for a big family dinner when my phone beeped at me.  It was Bob.  I took my sweet time deciding what to do.

When someone randomly texts you after a month of radio silence, you have three options: (1) Ignore it. (2) Get shitty and upset. (3) Be a dick – i.e. act like you don’t know who the text is from as though you deleted their number.  Guess which one I went with…

photo 1

For those of you who don’t have iMessaging or can’t tell from the context, I’m in blue. Bob is in grey.

Also, it’s worth mentioning that when someone texts you out of the blue a month after completely blowing you off and giving you the silent treatment, it isn’t because they miss you and all of the sudden realized what they were missing…

They – most likely – tried dating/banging another chick with whom it didn’t work out and now they are bored on a Friday, looking for a piece of ass or something to make them feel less lonely and pathetic.  DO NOT BE THE GIRL THAT GIVES INTO THAT.

So, naturally, I decided to have some fun.

photo 2

I don’t think that’s asking too much…


Now, I realize at least half of the people reading this are going to think it was childish and petty of me to engage in this conversation, but here’s the thing… I don’t give a fuck.

How often do you get the chance to actually put someone in their place without seeking them out?  How often does this opportunity fall in your lap?  Someone needed to set this boy on a better path with the ladies.  I was just doing the double X’ers a favor… and having a ton of fun.  Plus… blog fodder.

photo 3

Translation: “please be reeled in by my generic reasoning (and lie) about why I haven’t talked to you. I’m lonely and sad.”

In case you were worried that I was ignoring the family time to be part of this textversation, rest assured, I was sharing the fun experience with the entire group.  I couldn’t help it.  It was just so much fun.  And really amusing.

photo 5

Again, what I was looking for was someone who gets me who likes me and accepts me for whatever I feel like being that day… so obviously I want to get married and have a million babies…

Things escalated quite quickly from here.  I told him that he needs to stop reading into shit.  He claimed I was being unpleasant – which I absolutely was but why on Earth would I confirm that to him?  He deserveed no satisfaction in this…  I was in this for me and my amusement.

Then, the most amazing thing happened… he asked me out… Again… a month after ignoring me…



photo 3 (1)


In hindsight I wish I had just said “No, thank you.”  A simple “No, thank you.” leaves the asker with so many potential questions…

My question about radio silence was met with a “no” and a “okay, no go ahead and delete my number again”


Which I very gladly did.

And just like that, The Not-So-Amazing-Houdini disappeared…with slightly less dignity and one less potential date.



4 comments on “Dating: The Not-So-Amazing-Houdini Part 2 – The Textversation

  1. Aussa Lorens
    March 27, 2014

    This is freaking hilarious, I kind of feel bad for the guy BUT he really did deserve it. He shouldn’t have radio silenced you. Can I admit that I did that to a guy once? Argh. It was the I’m-pretty-sure-gay one and after two dates he started getting super clingy and constantly asking where I was and what I was doing. Now I feel like an ass.

    I absolutely love your very last text. Beautiful.


    • Deborah Ilene
      April 7, 2014

      I’ve done it before, too. But usually I throw an “I’m not really into you” first and then radio silence them from there on out. I feel like I did what I needed to be nice-ish about it.


  2. maurnas
    March 28, 2014

    Do you live in Florida? If so, I think we need to team up and torture the men in this state. You are so on my level.


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This entry was posted on March 27, 2014 by in 2014, 28 year old me approves, Blogging, break ups, date, dating, flirting, Texts and tagged , , , , , .
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