Ever started dating someone and then have them blow you off? Sure you have. Everyone has at some point. Due to my unnecessarily high level of confidence, it usually doesn’t bother me; I don’t get upset or mad or hurt. So some random dude wasn’t into me? Fine.
Dating is a losing game as it is. BEST case scenario you meet someone in high school, fall in love, get married and are “happily ever after.” That’d be batting a thousand. It’s much more realistic to date 5 or more people, then marry the right(est) one. At that point you’re already only batting 200. That’s arguably very good odds and it’s still not a good batting average… but I digress…
So logically, most people I go on dates with will not be the “one” or even the “for now-one.”
That said (and this is a Public Service Announcement to all people in the dating pool) DO NOT BLOW SOMEONE OFF. It’s rude. It sets the bar too low for the next person and it’s just really fucking rude. At this point, we’re all adults – at least chronologically – and if you don’t want to go on a date with someone, say “no thank you” and be done with it.
Why am I beginning today’s blog this way? Because this is going to be the beginning of a (at VERY minimum) 2 part series about some dating fun I’ve had.
Let’s talk about Bob. I met Bob out for coffee one fateful Sunday. He had his share of red flags but a lot of green lights on paper, so I wasn’t running away yet. We shut down Panera, he walked me to my car, and asked me if I’d like to get together again. We texted a bit when I got home and made plans to meet for dinner the next night.
Dinner was fine. Though I ordered a martini and while I killed it, he barely touched his vodka drink… red flag.
After dinner I accompanied him to his house (I know what you’re thinking, but my instincts said it was innocent…which it was.) We watched TV, talked about some things, he walked me to my car, kissed me good night and made tentative plans for 6 days later due to scheduling conflicts during the week.
When date night 3 (technically, if you count the coffee date) rolled around, we spent the day texting about our plans. I decided to take the reigns into my own hands and suggested something I wanted to do: bowling. He shot it down due to being exhausted from a busy week but suggested dinner instead. We were discussing meeting times when I received this text:
Bob: I’m really sorry to do this, but I’m exhausted and I need to stay in tonight.
Was I annoyed? Yeah. Was I mad? No. I’ve been there. I’ve needed a break. But here’s the thing: The person who last-minute cancels plans acquires the responsibility of bringing up an alternative time and plan. I don’t say this because it’s a “rule” or to be “antiquated” but because the person who cancels knows when their conflict will be over and they’ll again be available.
So when I didn’t hear another word from him for 48 hours, I was annoyed. Red flag.
I decided to throw a text his way after almost 72 hours. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes you really are so busy and overwhelmed that when you finally get the chance to do nothing…you shut out the world. Fine. So we texted. As though nothing weird had happened. It was friendly. It was light. And while he did not bring up making plans, he did go straight for the jugular.
Bob: What are you looking for, really?
I don’t feel like pulling up my text to see what I wrote, but I know I told the truth: I want to be happy. I want to spend my time with someone who lets me be me (even if that changes from time to time or hour to hour;) Someone who I want to be around. Beyond that, I don’t have a thing I’m looking for because ultimately that’s most important to me.
I suppose that could be taken a multitude of ways (please sense the dripping sarcasm) but I thought that was as honest as I could be while also not being scary and clingy. It’s actually how I really feel, ya know, cuz I’m not actually scary or clingy at all…
No literally…nothing. I got radio silenced.
I heard NOTHING from him after that. Red flag. Number 3.
Until he texted me a month later “Hey. How r u?” and I’ll fill you in on that in the next installment of this un-named dating blog series.
The remainder of this story is posted here.