…More Than Sweet Potatoes

That time I almost got married in the Keys

Britney Spears did it.  Ross and Rachel on Friends did it.  So why not me?

Hello Mr. Rachel!

A few Junes back, my previous roommate (Amanda) and the roommate before her (Katy) and I went to the keys for a girls vacation.  Vagcation, if you will.  Friday after work we hopped on the road to make the four hour drive – which took about 6 hours – to Key West.

We followed a car of cute boys.  When traffic came to a standstill we gave them some beer from our coolers and hung out.  One of us (no word on which of us) randomly peed on the side of the road.  We listened to Spice Girls Radio on Pandora.  So basically, the best drive ever.

Triple Person Selfie

Triple Person Selfie

We checked in to our bed and breakfast then went to dinner and out to get drunk.  One of us (again, no word on which one) brought a guy back with us to the B&B to go midnight swimming while the others went to sleep.

The next morning we went on our water adventure.  We boarded a catamaran of people, food, booze and hot bodied staff.  After parasailing, jet skiing, water trampolining, swimming and snorkeling we had made eyes at the hot staff enough to get invited out with them when we got back to land.

Flying over Key West

Flying over Key West

We went back to the B&B to shower, change and go meet the guys at a Tiki bar.  We drank, hung out, made inappropriate jokes and propositions towards each other.  We were there for a couple hours when I may or may not have disappeared with one of the guys.

yadda yadda yadda we hung out, we made out, he said the phrase “Marry me” upwards of 10 times

Here’s where things get fuzzy.  Maybe because of all the alcohol, maybe because it’s been years…who knows.

Either that night or the next day we met up with my indecent proposer at the same Tiki bar.  I think it was the next day because I seem to recall that I was wearing a different dress than when he proposed.  Well, the fact that he asked me to marry him came up in conversation and why not just fucking do it?  So a plan was hatched.  That night, his company [the same one we did our water adventure with]  would be doing a sunset cruise, we would go and the captain would marry us.

I know that right now you are seriously questioning my sanity, but here’s what happens if you get married on a whim: you either get an annulment, get a divorce or, in the world of Rom Coms and fairies, you make it work and are happy.  Interestingly enough, those are the same outcomes if you date someone for years, get engaged and then get married in a traditional way.  So why not?!  I’m young enough.  It’d be a fun story if nothing else…

In case you were concerned – as my friends were – about my parents reaction to this and if I was thinking straight, my mom has since been told and she was on board.  She accepts my eccentricities as they are.  She’s the perfect mother for me, really.

Me and My Fiance on our proposed wedding day

I didn’t end up getting married.  My friends persuaded me not to do it.  The Indecent Proposer backed out.  The end.  Kind of.

After we got back from the Keys, I was still in contact with my “fiance” here and there.  I think he thought I still wanted to marry him (I mean, come on dude, it was a drunken idea that would have been fun, but it was a Vagcation idea and that is it…) because he flipped out about not being into me.

It’s all for the best, really.  He ended up dating my friend for a while.  He also turned out to be a total creep.

For what it’s worth, I still think it would have been hilarious and a fun thing to do.  No Ragrets.  Not even one.  Not even a letter.

End.

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One comment on “That time I almost got married in the Keys

  1. Aussa Lorens
    February 6, 2014

    That is incredible. I can’t even convince my boyfriend to elope with me and you got some scuba instructor to take a knee on day one.
    “Vagcation.” I like.

    Like

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