Sedating Me is the Only Answer. Sometimes.
Wednesday I was given Valium.
A lot of Valium, actually.
Today’s blog is an explanation of psychosis.
About a month ago (you may recall from THIS
blog post) I was hospitalized for what we shall now call a Phantom Stomach Pain (or PSP.) I was given the diagnosis of “gastritis” which basically means an inflammation of my stomach. So the pain is real. The reasons behind it are yet un-founded. All of my blood work came back normal. The CAT scan and the ultrasound showed normal everything. So after a follow up with my GI doctor I was scheduled for an endoscopy. Which I had yesterday.
At this point it’d be helpful to know that I have an irrational fear/anxiety over the idea of drugs that will alter my ability to focus, make decisions, think clearly, etc being put into my body by IV. I am okay with the idea of an IV and I’m okay with the idea of taking drugs orally, but the combination of the two creeps me out. It becomes a full-on-panic-attack situation when the drugs are used to knock me out on some level. I’m aware this is irrational. I’m also aware of it at the time it happens which usually results in frustration in addition to my panic attack. This can come out in the form of screaming, crying and basically berating myself while doing anything I can to stop a doctor from putting drugs in my IV. I’ve learned to warn staff days ahead of time and let them know a Rx for Xanax is not unwarranted. At least I come by it honestly.
So yesterday, shortly after having me pee in a cup and recite my name, date of birth, doctor’s name and reason for being there (and hooking me up to an IV) they agreed with me that sedating me was a good idea. They pushed double the normal dosage of Valium into me. I panicked a little and – fun fact – valium burns a bit. But it was glorious!! I remember everything until they actually knocked me out, but none of it was scary or anxiety inducing. I’ve already written a glowing review on the comment paperwork they gave me on my way out.
The rest of my day was interesting…and further laced in psychosis, but that’s a blog for another day.
Everyone is a little bat-shit crazy, right? I just have the [lack of] decorum to acknowledge and discuss it I guess!
P.S. The above Rorschach test doesn’t look like anything to me. Nothing at all. What does that MEAN!?