…More Than Sweet Potatoes

Would You Do Me the Honor of Being My Archenemy??

No one likes being hated.  People either hate feeling hated and will do anything to change someone else’s perception of them, or they don’t pay any mind to whether or not they’re hated.  The latter are rarely hated because the hater gains nothing from the emotion.  However, being hated is important.  The haters are important.  Being hated often adds to our motivation to be true to ourselves in spite of the hate; to succeed; to ascend.*  A writer much better than myself – Chuck Klosterman – has an entire article on this topic here.  For further reading (which is always tangible, funny, surprisingly intuitive and often related to sports or music) pick up Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs immediately.

If you’re too lazy or too busy to read the motivation for today’s blog post, I’ll summarize it for you…  In your life you should have one person you consider your nemesis and one that you consider your archenemy.  Your nemesis you actually sort of kind of like.  Your archenemy you hate with the unbridled passion normally reserved for forbidden sexual escapades in a semi-public place – OoooOoo blog topic idea…  Women will fully understand this more than men.  Guys, if you’ve ever heard a girl smile and chat with someone and then, as they’re walking away, call her a bitch…that’s her nemesis.  Your archenemy actually wants you to cease to exist, and you they.
This is my blog topic today for two and a half reasons: (1) I may have an opportunity to make a new nemesis soon, (2) today’s nemesis is coffee, and (1/2) I don’t think I have an archenemy.  Maybe the Westboro Baptist Church.  They’d probably dance all over my grave [when I die] if they had any knowledge of my convictions and beliefs but I wouldn’t do that to them because of those same convictions, so I guess not…
Soon (vague on purpose) I may have a chance to make a new nemesis.  No details in case this pans out in my favor – if this can be considered favorable – but I’d really enjoy if she wanted to hate me, but was unable to due to the following reasons: I’m delightful, her friends find me delightful and, most importantly, outwardly hating me would seem petty and immature.  I don’t want her to actually hate me… I want her to want to, though.  Ya know, for the motivation to continue to unabashedly be myself and proud of it.  Or something.
Coffee is today’s nemesis.  Threat level: orange.  I was tired and wanted coffee.  My coffee wanted to be absorbed through my clothing…so now I am wearing my coffee.  Coffee is considered a nemesis because I still love it.  I still need it in my life and I would be exceptionally sad if I could no longer have coffee.
The position of archenemy remains wide open.  Interested applicants should request more information below.
End.
*I realize how much I sound like LeBron James or Kanye West right now.  For this I am both infinitely apologetic and very ashamed.
**FUN GAME: find the Oxford Comma in this blog post.
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10 comments on “Would You Do Me the Honor of Being My Archenemy??

  1. Jason Wolfrom
    October 31, 2013

    **FUN GAME: There isn't one.

    Like

  2. Deborah Ilene
    October 31, 2013

    Yes there is. 🙂

    Like

  3. Katherine Adams
    October 31, 2013

    I feel like when we were 12 or 13 , could fall into these categories for each other? Oxford comma spotted somewhere near the 1/2 😉

    Like

  4. Jason Wolfrom
    October 31, 2013

    Incorrect! I double verified the definition as I am a very staunch supporter of said comma. If I am wrong, I will gladly guest blog for you on the topic of your choosing. Please, communicate the Oxford comma location to me via some other medium as I do not want to spoil the game.

    Like

  5. Jason Wolfrom
    October 31, 2013

    GODDAMNIT!!! You clever girl.

    Like

  6. Deborah Ilene
    November 1, 2013

    Haha. Absolutely we could have. In our youth we may have considered each other archenemies, but in hindsight I would call you my first nemesis! And good job. 😉

    Like

  7. Hidden_Gold
    May 23, 2014

    Are you talking about the one that could have been in this sentence: “For further reading (which is always tangible, funny, surprisingly intuitive and often related to sports or music) pick up Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs immediately.”

    Or the comma before the last item in the series, which I’m unsure can properly be categorized as an Oxford/series comma in this case: “…but I’d really enjoy if she wanted to hate me, but was unable to due to the following reasons: I’m delightful, her friends find me delightful and, most importantly, outwardly hating me would seem petty and immature.”

    Like

    • Deborah Ilene
      May 23, 2014

      Neither. I’m also unsure about the classification of the comma in the second option.

      Like

  8. Hidden_Gold
    May 23, 2014

    Ah, I found it. It was hidden among numbers.

    Like

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