Today – like most days – I am struggling with a topic about which to write. I suppose “struggling” is too strong a word for this situation. Being a single mother with 2 jobs is a struggle. Living in a war zone is a struggle. Writing a blog is FAR from a struggle. So I am just going to spout of words and thoughts and, at the end, leave you with a list of things I want to own. Sound good? No? Too fucking bad.
This morning I woke up before Mr. Sun and went for a “run.” I put run in quotes because I am doing the Couch 2 5k app thingy on my phone so I’m really only running in 60 second intervals right now; I’m mostly walking briskly. Upon the end of an interval I looked up at the sky. The sun was just beginning to illuminate the clouds in the darkness. The deep indigo was highlighted by shards of pink around the bottom of the cotton-batting-looking clouds. The moon was still high and very prominently displaying a sliver of grey-white shimmer. So while Aerosmith’s Angel was serenading my earballs, my eyeballs were taking in the drippy-description-worthy scenery. My brain overloaded on happy and I didn’t want to stab myself in the eye while running. Running is still the G. D. devil, but I was able to ignore that for a brief three minutes. So that’s something.
I realized that I’m bad at hitting on people. I’m also bad at knowing if someone is hitting on me. I have a feeling this is surprising to you 4 readers, so I will explain further. I think that when I am placed in a situation where what I say, do or react to could potentially have a detrimental effect on the possibility of a relationship, I clam up. This is probably an underlying behind why I constantly put myself in lose-lose situations with the opposite sex. This way, when it doesn’t work out, it isn’t because of something I did, said or reacted to. Examples of my cluelessness/clamming up/confusion: A week or two back I had a textversation with someone and I’m still unsure if they were hitting on me/trying to get a piece of ass. I have a mini-crush I’m sure I’m going to miss out on due to being awkward. The Alex Vause of the real world hit on me last night HARD and I didn’t even notice it until she told me how she would treat me on a date.
Enough life discussing. Let’s get to the list of things I want.
1. I want a dinosaur costume. STAT. Like, a legit costume. To wear whenever.
2. I want the Thanksgivukkah shirt. 2 of them. Maybe 3 or 10. I want my whole family to wear it on Thanksgiving this year instead of dressing nicely.
3. I want to go visit Katy and see her new baby – Piper.
4. Right now, I’d kill for a BIG scoop of maple gingersnap ciao bella gelato — apparently it’s seasonal and not available now. Which makes me SO SAD. When that shit is available I’m going to town…Insulin Resistance be damned.