Random fact about me that you probably did not know: I don’t like things toasted, usually. I prefer items to only be crunch if they would fall short as their soft version. The only examples I can think of for that are chips and crackers. Bread and tortillas, however, I prefer to be soft and smushy. Let us examine why this might be.
Oh, right. Because toasted things stab me in the mouth and lessen the enjoyment of the food I am trying to put into my body. As it is, bread and tortillas are essentially just a vehicle for getting the important yummy yummy yummy into my tummy. They are little hand-held station wagons and the insides are the hokey-pokey of it all. How’s that for non-cliche descriptive sentences, senior-year-creative-writing-class-teacher?? How can I possibly enjoy my Baja Fish Taco if I am being jabbed in the soft pallet by an angry piece of corn in a last ditch effort to prove his dissatisfaction over being removed from his home (the ear he grew on) to become a U-shaped, Mexican themed cracker?
Sure, I’ve had a few toasted Pop Tarts in my lifetime and a couple diagonally sliced piece of toast with breakfast, but the sole outlying exception to my non-toasted rule is the blueberry bagel. That shit is heaven. It’s even more heaven when it is toasted and heavily covered in strawberry cream cheese. If, when I die, I am fortunate enough to go to heaven, I sincerely hope there is an after-lifetime supply of that exact combination. And Pizza Rolls. And Mini Bagel Dogs.
Great, now I’m frothing at the mouth like a rabid animal…