Before anything else happens, we just ordered Chinese food… ONLINE. Best idea ever! Now lets start the shitshow.
I’d like to first thank you and apologize to any The Bachelor fans who read this. In my maiden quest of watching this show, I have learned that I truly do not enjoy “reality” television. This is not limited to The Bachelor. I also have no interest in American Idol, The Voice, The Amazing Race, etc. So now that I am at the last episode of this season, I am happy to announce that I will no longer be Bachelor Blogging. Let’s get this last one going before I quit on you guys.
My official prediction is that he looks cuter with Lindsey but he’ll choose Catherine. Leah is kind of agreeing with me except for the letter. I think the letter is from his mom or his sister. Or Desiree. This is going to be a half-assed blog. I’m just going to write thoughts and later organize it into something…or not. Who knows. 3 Hours? I’m about to get fucked up!!!
In a twist of events – at least to me, but I assume real fans would not be surprised by this, the girls not going home with him at all. His family just comes to him in some foreign country. JEALOUS. I wanna be his sister so badly right now. Fun fact, I don’t think his mom believes in this show working or being real. I don’t either, don’t worry mom…but still, she doesn’t. It seems weird to me that mom is “on board” with filming if she doesn’t believe in the outcome. Cathbot says she knew from the notes that they’d fall in love. I forgot about the notes that Catherine gave Ginger. That was adorable. I’m totally into his family. They’re so warm and wonderful. They remind me of my family. Ginger with Catherine makes his family happy.
Ginger just said that he is in love with Lindsey. Is that even allowed? Lindsey had such a good time with his family. And he’s already in love with her…he says he is falling in love with Catherine. Let’s see what the family says:
Mom doesn’t want him to get engaged because he isn’t sure or isn’t ready to pick someone. She’s crying and we’re drinking.
Oh right, I forgot about the Late Breaking News. They’re pregnant…or married. As of yesterday. That’s a joke. I don’t actually know what it is. It better be something big or I’m gonna punch a pillow.
Alright: final dates – Lindsey. They are floating down the Mekong river a la Huck Finn and the water is fucking brown. What an amazing date.
Decision update: Leah is team Lindsay…. I’m team Catherine.
Night portion of the date. He seems significantly apprehensive on this entire date. This does not bode well for Team Lindsey. Though he hasn’t had his date with Cathbot yet, so he may be the same with her. Ooo what is her special surprise? A puppy?! Oh…it’s lanterns…. lame.
He seems much more relaxed on his date with Catherine. I don’t know if that means he’ll choose her, but it is a fact. They rode a GD elephant…no harness. It is soooo cool. She’s gonna tell him she loves him and make one last shot at it and then we’ll see. Someone fire the camera guy, there was no zoom in on Ginger’s face after she said I love you…but she says she saw nothing in his eyes. Now she’s a mess.
Oh good, Ginger isn’t wearing a shirt again. He’s rocking a towel. DROP THE TOWEL. DROP THE TOWEL!
I really want the “bachelor first” to be that *Surprise* they’re 6 months pregnant!!! Wooo. You know I want this because I’ve typed it twice now. Two times makes it real. Remember that for the future.
WAIT! Ginger chose the ring that Wide-Eyes said she wanted. That’s HILARIOUS and amazing. Sidebar, I do NOT like that dress on Lindsey. Catherine definitely got the better dress. And the better date. Ok, fuck it… I want to know who the letter is from. On an aside, let’s all acknowledge that Chris Harrison is totally banging it out with Wide-Eyes and probably has been for a WHILE.
Ok, new plan: He turns down Lindsey, gets a note from Catherine and she’s gone and now his big surprise is that he’s actually married to Des. She WAS wearing a white dress at women tell all…and she seemed really smug…
Let’s see how this goes. Well so far, I have been right…and I LOVE that Lindsey took her shoes off and is walking in front of him. Poor girl. That does suck. I am impressed that she handled it like an adult…let’s see if she loses it in the car ride. Nope, she’s mad that he dangled everything she’s ever wanted in front of her and then took it away…as though she’s never seen this show or know how it works. Even I knew this. Lame.
Letter time: BTW, Chris Harrison just said “that was tough for Catherine” to the live studio audience but he meant Lindsey. So now Catherine wrote a letter. And it says: It’s a good letter. Holy balls. I thought for sure it was her Dear John letter. Dammit, I hate being wrong. She wrote a letter because she’s bad at expressing herself. That’s something I do. Awwwwww. She’s addicted to him. How obsessive and annoying… so moving on, let’s find out what this “Bachelor First” is. They’re 6 months pregnant. (Three times?! Hell, I was REALLY pushing for that, wasn’t I?)
Today is the best day of his life, Ginger says… hey remember how he was bawling and ripping someones heart out 5 minutes ago? No? Okay! (Note…everything that looks like a button got stuck on the computer is actually Gizmo typing…see picture to the left)
After the Final Rose time:
Now comes out Catherine…if she is wearing anything flowy, they’re pregnant. Damn…not 6 months pregnant. Ya know, Ginger never says anything bad….say something mean!!! $$ in Des being the next bachelorette as much as I NEED it to be 1AS. cccccxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (Gizmo again)
The big announcement is that they’re getting married on ABC? Um…that’s happened before. This was the worst after the final rose…. Not that I’d know.
The question of who the next bachelorette is going to be: There are 4 girls there already and I really want ABC to do the right thing and make it 1AS, but I could definitely see Desiree. I will only watch it if it is 1AS though because I can’t ever watch this again. Ever.
It’s Desiree…so see you NEVER The Bachelor/Bachelorette Franchise…
Thanks for getting me drunk for a few weeks.